the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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