I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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