Swine flu. Run for my life!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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