Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
