I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize