what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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