I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
