She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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