i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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