I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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