apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize