I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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