No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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