I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
