So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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