remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
