ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it because I queefed?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
