38 yer olds are good kisserssss
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
