Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
