I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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