I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
