I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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