so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
