You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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