have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
