i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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