Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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