Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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