Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
