He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
