Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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