It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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