I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i love accidental penises.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
