I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
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Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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