I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
