I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
