Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
