how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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