Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
