3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
