Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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