u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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