Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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