I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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