She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
