i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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