I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
