Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
