I've blown a few things in my day
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
