I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
