perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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