I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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