And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
