Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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