every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
