Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
