U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
