I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
