whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
