I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
