just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
is wine microwaveable?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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