I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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