Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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