You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
