I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Randomize
