the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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