Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
