so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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