There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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