Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
