We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
