You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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