You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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