I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
