Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
