so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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