she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
