I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
