Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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