Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
