I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
