im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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